


and if you care, don't let them know

by 5ftjewishcactus



Series: Unlove You Prompt Fills [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Chubby Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley's Century-Long Nap (Good Omens), Deleted Scene: Aziraphale's Bookshop 1800 (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, No Sex, No Smut, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5ftjewishcactus/pseuds/5ftjewishcactus
Summary: But Crowley was a fool. Oh, he was such a fool. The worst sort of fool. A fool in love.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Unlove You Prompt Fills [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1521779
Comments: 12
Kudos: 65
Collections: Aspec-friendly Good Omens





	and if you care, don't let them know

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Unlove You Prompt "Wish I didn't love you" Prompts from [un-love-you](https://un-love-you.livejournal.com/) on livejournal.
> 
> Spoilers in the end notes so don't read those before reading the fic.

He had almost lost Aziraphale.

Heaven had tried to call him back. Gave him a commendation for a job well done. Wanted to replace him with that wanker, Michael. Not that it had mattered. Crowley hadn't been careful enough. He'd made too many mistakes. Been too careless. If Gabriel had turned around, he would've seen Crowley outside the bookshop with a box of chocolates. What could Crowley have said? They were poisoned? No. It would've been Crowley's end. It was dumb luck that Gabriel hadn't seen him and that he'd been able to trick the Archangel into letting Aziraphale stay on Earth. That should have been the end of it. Crowley should've gone home.

But Crowley was a fool. Oh, he was such a fool. The worst sort of fool. A fool in love. He'd gone back to the bookshop with the chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. To celebrate the bookshop opening and Aziraphale staying. He'd only meant to stay for a few minutes, deliver his gifts and be gone, but the angel had offered wine and Crowley couldn't say no to him. One drink turned into two, turned into a bottle. A single thought crossed his mind, as he watched Aziraphale delight in the chocolates, humming happily, oblivious to Crowley's inner turmoil. Which was for the best. Crowley didn't want to upset him.

_Wish I didn't love you._

Crowley sighed and sipped at his wine. He needed to leave. He needed to put space and time between them. Let Aziraphale run his bookshop. Be Heaven's agent on Earth. Without Crowley interfering. That was what the Arrangement was about, wasn't it? Stay out of each other's way, lend a hand when needed. He'd helped Aziraphale and now he needed to stay out of his way so he could prove to Heaven that it wasn't a mistake to leave him here.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale said and it wasn't the first time he'd said it, clearly from the frown on his face. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." Crowley shook himself from his thoughts, turning his attention back to Aziraphale. "Sorry, angel. Just tired."

The frown morphed into concern. "Oh, well, if you're needing to head home."

Of course the angel would give him the out he needed to leave. But Crowley couldn't leave yet. Not when he knew he wouldn't see Aziraphale for several weeks, months, years. He hadn't decided how long he'd be gone yet.

_Wish I didn't love you._

"Not yet, angel." Crowley finished his wine and set the glass down on the table. "I don't know when I'll be back."

"Oh. Does Hell have you going off for some temptation or another?"

Crowley shook his head. It would've been easier to lie. He should've lied. But he didn't want Aziraphale to worry when he didn't come back soon enough. Plus he didn't like lying to Aziraphale. Not when it came to important things.

"Oh. Then you're… leaving?" Aziraphale looked down into his own wine glass.

"No, angel." Crowley rubbed at his eyes, his sunglasses sat on the table between them, placed there when Crowley had stayed.

_Wish I didn't love you._

He didn't say what he was thinking. Admitting it would be dangerous. Aziraphale didn't know, couldn't know the truth of Crowley's feelings. Even with wishing them gone, with wishing that the angel had never uttered the words that stole Crowley's heart.

"I’m just tired, angel. It's been 4,200 years. I… need time away. Might nap for a few… I don't know… months, years."

"Years?"

Crowley nodded.

"Oh. Well, I suppose… if that's what you need."

"It is."

Aziraphale nodded this time. Set his wine glass down on the table.

"And if Hell has tasks for you?" he asked, leaning forward.

Crowley shrugged. He hadn't thought that far. He didn't care. He was tired of Hell. Tired of Heaven, too, honestly. The constant looming threat keeping the angel before him out of his reach. If only they were free, cut loose from both Heaven and Hell, able to truly be together. If Aziraphale would even want that. Though Crowley suspected he must. The bookshop. Aziraphale's home on Earth. A safe haven. A place Crowley could come to spend time with him. Like they were. Crowley could see that. Even the name of the shop: A. Z. Fell & Co. Hidden in plain sight. Someone like Gabriel wouldn't notice. But Crowley would. Crowley did. Aziraphale & Crowley. A. Z. Fell & Co. Clever angel.

_Wish I didn't love you._

"How do they normally contact you?" Aziraphale asked, pulling Crowley from his thoughts again.

"Letters, usually. Through the post. Sort of," Crowley replied.

"Well, why don't you forward it to me?"

Crowley frowned. "What?"

"Forward your tasks from Hell to me. I'll cover them while you sleep."

Crowley was taken aback. "But why?"

"Well…" Aziraphale looked down at his hands, fidgeting above his belly. "The Arrangement, of course. I'd be helping you out. Keeping the balance."

Crowley's frown deepened. "Keeping the balance? I thought your lot would love the chance to shift the balance in their favor."

Aziraphale frowned and his hands clenched into fists momentarily. "Not if it means… well…" The angel sighed. "You helped me stay on Earth. I can't let Hell try to recall you for quite literally sleeping on the job."

And oh, there was that clever angel again. Thinking not of himself but of Crowley. It warmed Crowley that Aziraphale cared enough. So Crowley smiled. A small one, barely a twitch of his lips, but enough that Aziraphale saw it. Even now his angel was trying, in his own way, to meet him halfway.

Aziraphale looked at Crowley again. "Please Crowley, let me do this for you."

And oh, that was dangerous. The angel knew what he was doing, turning those hazel eyes on Crowley, asking him in the same way he'd asked for Crowley's help in the past. And how could Crowley deny him?

_Wish I didn't love you._

"Alright, angel. I'll forward my notices from Hell to you."

Aziraphale smiled, satisfied with that answer. Crowley released a deep breathe he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He needed to leave. The bone deep weariness was slowing dragging him down and he needed to get home, to his flat and his bed. He stood, picking up his sunglasses off the table.

"Crowley," Aziraphale said.

"Yes, angel," Crowley replied, on instinct more than anything.

"There's a flat upstairs. Above the bookshop. With a bedroom. I won't be needing it. I don't sleep."

Crowley sighed, knowing without Aziraphale stating it plainly what was being offered. More than just a bed. Protection. Comfort. Home. Love. The things Crowley wanted most but should not have been offered. Not yet. Not when it was too risky. If either of their sides found him there, it wouldn't be good.

And yet…

_Wish I didn't love you._

Crowley took a deep breath, steeling himself as he prepared to leave, to keep his angel safe.

"Good…" He couldn't say 'goodbye.' It felt too finite. "…night, angel."

"Good night, Crowley."

His footsteps felt heavy as he walked away. They carried him to the flat and up the stairs to the bedroom. He changed into his black sleep-clothes and climbed into the bed. The sheets were soft and warm, pulling Crowley deep into sleep.

*

Aziraphale stood at the bottom of the stairs until he was sure Crowley was asleep. Then he placed wards around the flat, to keep both Heaven and Hell from discovering the truth. It was dangerous. It was risky. But Aziraphale had to know Crowley was safe. However long he slept. As he settled in to read for the night, he had a single thought.

_Wish I didn't love you._

**Author's Note:**

> The ending of this one sort of snuck up on me. I didn't realize it was going to swap to Aziraphale until I wrote it. I did borrow the idea of Crowley sleeping in Aziraphale's flat/bed from wheeloffortune-design's post [here](https://wheeloffortune-design.tumblr.com/post/186322720320/wheeloffortune-design-headcanon-that-crowley). Which is a lot more fun and lighthearted, if you need something after this bit of sadness. 
> 
> In my version, I imagine that Crowley wakes up around 1860 (not quite a full century but eh...) and there's two-ish years of things being relatively back to normal and then the fight at St. James Park over the Holy Water happens and then 80 years go by without either of them talking to each other. So there's an eventual happy ending way down the line from where this fic takes places. Sorry. 
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr [@5ftjewishcactus](https://5ftjewishcactus.tumblr.com/) or on twitter on my main [@5ftjewishcactus](https://twitter.com/5ftjewishcatus) or on my sfw gen fandom [@2ambiace](https://twitter.com/2ambiace) or my dbh [@asexualhankcon](https://twitter.com/asexualhankcon).


End file.
